Shane Revisited.

A small neat house stood before me on a quite street where the cab driver had deposited me a few moments ago. There were a few bushes along the path that bordered a small lawn and lead to the front door.

The small set of keys felt oddly heavy as I walked the short distance to the front door. I took a deep breath and slid one of the small brass keys into the lock, though I hesitated to turn it. This was the address that was on the licence that they had given me, and looking into the mirror of the tiny hospital bathroom, I could at least tell that it was my own face that was smiling out of the ID card. They had kept me in the hospital a few more days after I had woken up; partly to make sure that I was alright and partly to see if I would regain my memories. Finally though they had released me.

A small click sounded as the key turned smoothly in the lock and I pushed the door open. The interior was dim in the late afternoon light, dust motes stirring in the air as I passed by a window.

The inside of the house was as neat as the outside had suggested, nothing seemed to be out of place. I laughed as this thought crossed my mind. How would I know if anything was out of place, I didn't recognize anything at all. I could have been in anyone's home.

A flashing red light on the phone caught my attention.

Beep... A man's voice came from the recorder, "hey Shane, it's me. You up for a pick-up game tonight? Give me a call."

Beep... A sultry woman's voice came next, "Shane, don't forget that you promised to go to that party with me."

Beep... "Shane. Man, where are you?"

Beep... "Shane, I'm getting worried, and so is Mom."

Beep... "Shane, did you forget to tell us you were going out of town or something?"

Beep... "Mr. Briarwood. This is a reminder..."

Beep... "Shane."
Beep... "Shane."
Beep... "Mr. Briarwood."

My hand hit the delete button, stilling the flood of voices. I could feel a headache coming on. I walked down the hall to the kitchen and opened the fridge, realizing that my stomach was growling. It felt awkward though, as if I was reaching into someone else's fridge without permission, without them even knowing that I was here.
I shook my head and pulled out a few things. It would take a while before it felt normal to be here.

I was just cleaning up when the phone rang, causing me to jump. I only hesitated a moment before picking it up. It could be someone that I knew, someone that could help me remember. Someone that could tell me who I was.

"Hello?" I said.

"Shane!" came the relieved voice over the phone, a woman's voice, "I've been so worried about you. Where have you been? Are you alright?"

I didn't recognize the voice. "I'm not sure if I'm alright," I said.

"What do you mean you don't know if you are alright?" she asked.

I sighed and quickly explained what had happened. "So you see," I concluded, "I don't even recognize your voice. I don't know who you are."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Hello?" I asked.

"Shane," she breathed in shock, "I'm coming right over," she said, "don't go anywhere. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Alright," I said and hung up the phone.

"Hopefully in half an hour I'll start to have some questions answered," I said to myself.

'Show' and 'See'

"Will you stop that?"

I can hear the exasperation in my mothers voice and automatically stopped drumming my fingers nervously on the car door. I clenched my hands in my lap to stop them from their twitching.

"What if Dianne forgets her commands?" I ask, "what if I get lost? It's a big campus and I don't know anyone." I try to keep the blatant worry out of my voice but I can hear it creeping in.

"She won't forget," Mom said firmly. "You have been working and training with her for two months now; been all over the campus with her. You will be just fine."

I knew it was useless to voice further concerns and so I said nothing. I remembered back on all the training I had had with Dianne, the months of hard work and building trust with her. She would be my eyes; I had to trust her. It had been difficult for me these past six months; I had always been so independent before the accident that took my sight. Now I was dependent on others.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I hardly noticed the car slow down and stop. "I'll pick you up here when you're classes are over with for the day," mom said.

I opened the door and slid out, "No," I said, "Dianne and I will walk home. It's not that far and she knows the way."

I opened the back door and Dianne jumped to the ground; taking her place beside me, her warm body pressed against my leg reassuringly. "I'll see you at home," I said and walked away with Dianna.

**********************

"Is this the Student Services office?" I asked as I poked my head in what seemed like the hundredth door in my search for the seldom used office.

"No," a man said, "but I can show you where it is."

"Thank you!" I said and stepped out of the doorway.

"It's easy to get lost around here," he said. I could feel his presence near me, a peculiar sense that told me when someone was close. I patted Dianne on the head; more to reassure myself of her presence than anything.

"Ummm..."

I smiled at his uncertainty. It was clear that he didn't know how to 'show' me the way to the office. "It's okay," I said. "Just keep talking. Tell me where we are going and what you see so that Dianne can lead me to the office again."

"Okay," he said, though I could still hear hesitation and uncertainty in his voice. "Do you know how you got here?" he asked, and I nodded. "then from this door we go left," he said.

I listened to him describe what he saw as we walked along; landmarks that I could ask Dianna to find and she could do it. He had a pleasant voice.

"And here we are," he said. I felt a slight breeze as he opened a door.

"Thank you so much," I said and smiled in his direction.

"No problem," he said. "I was nice to meet you..."

"Sarah," I supplied, and held out my hand to him.

"I'm Chris," he said as he took my hand. His grip was solid. It matched his voice.

"Thank you again Chris. Maybe I'll 'see' you around," I said and smiled before stepping into the office of Student Support Services.

Sarah

"Hi Sarah!"

I smiled at the pleasant voice as the door swung shut behind me, "Hi Joyce, how are you today?"

"Well little Ben has the chicken pox, but other than that, life moves along," she said in a rolling Irish accent.

I could almost picture her as she had been described to me; a petite frame sitting behind the desk in the Student Services office, bright green eyes and a wide smile surrounded by short curly red hair and a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and nose.

"I've heard that oatmeal baths help with the itching," I offered as I leaned on the counter. Diana nudged my leg and I reached down to rub her behind the ears with one hand.

"Yes," Joyce agreed, "his Papa is home with him today, and I can just imagine the trouble those two are getting themselves into."

I laughed at the mental image that I got of little Ben and his father running amok through the house. "Well, at least you'll have it over with early," I said by way of consolation.

"Thank heaven," she mock whispered.

I laughed again. Joyce was fun to talk to. "Is Chapter One of the Corporations text ready to go?" I asked. I had to listen to it before the test on Monday.

"Let me check. I'm pretty sure that it is," she said. I listened to her shuffle papers around on the desk and a drawer open and close, pens sliding around inside. "Ah! Here it is," she said, and placed it on the counter so that it touched my elbow.

I dropped my hand and picked up the cassette tape, sliding it into my pocket with a smile. "Thank you Joyce," I said and turned toward the door.

*****

"I'm home!" I called as soon as I shut the front door. By the echoing I could tell that no one was home. I didn't mind; it meant I could be alone for a while.

"Come on Diane, let's get you comfortable and find something to eat," I said as I took off her harness and rubbed her down.

"Yuck! Diane!" I laughed and wiped the saliva from my cheek where she licked me.

We padded towards the kitchen where I filled her food dishes and set my pack on the table. As if on cue, my stomach rumbled as I opened the fridge door and grabbed an apple.

The apple gave way with a satisfying crunch as I moved back to the table. A small study area set up with a tape player waited for me and I slid the new recording into the machine. I felt a smile spread across my face as his voice filled the room.

Corporations: Chapter One...

I had to force myself to concentrate on the information he was reading and not on the smooth rhythm of his voice. It was a steady voice, strong and deep; the tone pure. I was sure that if he sang he would sing Bass.

I tried not to let my mind drift towards wondering about the man behind the voice; a voice I could listen to for hours even if I didn't need to. He made even a dry legal text worth listening to. It was one of the few voices that I would never be able to put a face to, a man I had never met.

A man I could never see.

Anne and Jane

Sparks jumped from the flint and stone that I held loosely to a small pile of tinder, catching and sputtering in the dark. I held the small flame to the wick of the lantern on the table. And the next, and the next. Soon the room was filled with the soft glow of lamplight, and warmth began radiating through the chilly room; shadows retreating to the far corners.

I worked at the laces of my bodice with numb fingers, pausing occasionally to hold them over an open flame, trying to restore some feeling. I let out a breath of relief when at last the constricting garment gave way and I could breathe easier.

"Mistress, Anne? Do you need any help?"

I thought for a moment before answering, "Alright Jane, come in."

Jane entered the room quietly, almost timidly. She was a small waif of a girl, not more than twelve I would have guessed. Given over to the great houses service by her parents for a pittance of money that I knew would not last a month.

I watched Jane move quietly around the chamber, her eyes downcast, almost fearful of being noticed, yet determined to do her work.

I slipped out of the bodice and the skirt and handed them to Jane who folded them precisely and placed them in the wardrobe. She removed my dressing gown and a soft robe and helped me into them before picking up a brush.

I sank into a low chair and hummed a little with pleasure as I felt the brush move rhythmically through my hair; Jane's soft, child hands, untangling my long black locks before loosely braiding it and tying it off with a ribbon.

Jane placed the warming pan filled with coals from the community fire between the sheets of my bed and turned down the covers. "Will you be needing anything else Mistress Anne?" she asked quietly.

"No Jane, thank you," I said gently and watched her move towards the door.

The little girl remained in my thoughts long after she silently slipped from the room to seek her own bed in a far, cold servants room.

Chris, Student

Chris squinted at the italicized font and sighed, raked a hand through his hair in frustration. He reached out and pressed the ‘pause’ button on the recorder and attempted to sound out the words.

“Day-zhoor? Day-zhoor-ay?”

“Talking to yourself again?” his roommate Evan asked.

Chris held up the thick law tome. “How do you pronounce this phrase?” He pointed to de jure.

Evan shrugged. “Not a lawyer, man.” And he went back to his chemistry and punk music.

“Thanks anyway.” Chris tugged his headphones back on and pressed the button to resume recording, continued reading. “ ‘A corporation formed according to legal formalities is a corporation de jure. If a corporation is not formed de jure, it may still be considered a corporation de facto...’”

After a while he got into the rhythm of reading, and he felt the words roll smoothly off his tongue even though he didn’t really understand any of what he was reading. He’d read so many textbooks on so many topics that they started to blur together. But as he read, he gazed at the photograph pinned above his desk, of Sarah and her guide dog, and thought, She doesn’t know I’m alive, but she depends on my voice.

He finished the chapter and stopped the tape, popped it out of the machine and scrawled Corporations, Chapter One on the label. He had to deliver it to the student support center and then get on with his own homework. Maybe, on his way across campus, he would see Sarah and Diane sitting on the grass, basking in the sun, picture-perfect and completely oblivious to it.

Chris scooped up his jacket and headed for the door, and the phone started to ring. Evan was closest, but he continued bobbing his head to his music and balancing chemical equations. Chris sighed and crossed the room, scooped up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Dear, it’s your mother.”

Chris winced. She sounded more frail than usual. “Hi, Mom. What’s going on? What can I do for you?”

“I got a call from the pharmacy again today...”

Of course. The creditors had come calling again. Chris let her words wash over him, making humming noises in all the right places. When she was done, he had to resist the urge to slam the receiver back into place. Then he stared down at his knuckles, red and swollen and scraped raw in several places, and he picked the receiver back up, dialed.

“Hey, Matt? Yeah, it’s Chris. Tell Tony it’s on tonight. I’ll meet him down at The Pit. Yeah, bare knuckles. Bring some sports tape. Put me down three-to-one on me, all right?” He glanced over at Evan, but he was lost in his music.

Good.

He probably wouldn’t notice when Chris came back after midnight with a new black eye. Chris shrugged on his jacket, grabbed the tape, and slipped out the door. He did stupid things for the people he loved.

(Written by Nagi)

Nothing

My name is Shane.

At least that's what they tell me. Anything that came before waking up in the hospital is lost to me. All I can remember is opening my eyes and seeing bright fluorescent lights above my head and hearing a beeping to my left.

I remember taking a deep breath and trying to clear my dry throat; it was scratchy and sore, as if it hadn't been used in a long time.

"Hello?" I called out, and suddenly I was surrounded by many people; some checking machines, and others checking me and asking me questions that I couldn't answer. All I could say was, "I don't know."

It felt like that was all I could say for the longest time. "What's you're name?... I don't know...Where are you from...I don't know... Do you know what happened to you...I don't know..." I felt like a broken record.

After what seemed like forever they all went away; left me to my thoughts; though those were rather blank as well. It was like a soft black wall that I could push against, but I couldn't get through it. Whatever was beyond the wall stayed hidden from me.

I sat in silent thought for a long time, only interrupted when a young woman brought in a few things and placed them in my lap. A wallet, keys, and a few papers.

I flipped open the wallet to reveal the face of a smiling young man; dark brown hair and laughing bright blue eyes. The name read Shane Briarwood. Five foot ten, one hundred and sixty-two pounds. He lived in a city in California.

I set aside the wallet and picked up the keys. It was a simple set of keys. Two brass keys on a ring as well as some type of car key; but to what kind of car I couldn't tell. I set the keys next to the wallet

I next picked up the papers. They were covered in close neat writing, addresses and names. Snatches of poetry, random and unfinished. Nothing was familiar.

"Mr. Briarwood?" a voice said from the door.

I assumed I was being spoken to so I turned my head towards the voice.

"Mr. Briarwood, you had quite an accident. Can you remember what happened?" the doctor said.

I blinked. The name held no recognition for me.

"Mr. Briarwood?"

...Nothing...

No Good

I swim my way back to awareness, conscious of a pain in my arm, though dulled by the drugs that keep the worst of it at bay. I can feel my pulse increasing as I come half awake, my hand automatically searching for him, groping at the air. I sigh his name and he is here in an instant, hovering over me where I lay on his mother's couch.

I look up into his face, searching for a truth that I know is there. His gentle smile and soft caress assure me that I am safe. I can't remember how many times he's saved my life, and I, his.

As much as he drives me crazy, I love him, and I wouldn't want any other. As I lay there, vulnerable and worried of the future, he leans down and presses a brief kiss to my lips. I open my mouth to tell him how I feel and he places one finger over my lips, silencing me.

"It's okay," he said, "we're no good at this."

(Burn Notice)

Knowing and Not Telling

I never told him, but I remember everything from the time loops. Everything. I am so glad though that they figured it out, because to much more of it and I was going to go insane.

At least he did make it interesting some of the time. The golfing, the pottery, juggling, and by heavens that kiss was amazing. Everything that I ever imagined and hoped it would be. I wonder if I activate that machine again I can spend eternity with him. Just the two of us; locked forever into a time loop. I can't think of why I would want to leave. It would be pure heaven.

When he smiled at me, thinking that I didn't know what he was thinking about, I had a tough time hiding the fact that I knew.

(SG SG1)

Blood and Control

I can't take my eyes off of his still form lying in the hospital bed. He's too still, though from the steady rise and fall of his chest, I know that he's alive. My hand itches to hold his, though that would be a breech of regulations, I reach out anyway and gently brush the back of his hand. I flinch when he twitches it away. I can't imagine what he has just been through. the doctor says it's a blessing that he is even alive, let alone that he will be just fine before long. He may be physically fine, but I worry about how he will be doing emotionally.

Even as I sit watching him, I can't help going over details in my mind, trying to peace together what happened and how this will affect him. Thinking back, I think that I knew that something was not right. I couldn't focus all day, something just seemed wrong. I know we were all tired from the last case, but still, something wasn't right.

That feeling stayed with me all day; after we go the call and we all went to work, and he never showed up. I was worried then, but there was nothing I could do about it. Finally it became to much for everyone to handle, so I went looking for him.

I didn't find him, but I found blood.

My world spun out of control.

(Criminal Minds?)

All That I Offer

He looked up at me, and suddenly, he seemed to see me. Really and truly see me, and all that I had to offer him, all that I am and all the love that I posses was his for the asking. He finally looked up and saw what I was offering and reached out to me.

I don't know if he ever noticed the change in my patronus or not. Being a guy, as perceptive as he usually is, he probably didn't. He most likely attributed it, like that git, to the loss of my cousin.

No. It changed, though I never did, because I love him. I don't know how I manage to continue breathing without him around.

It doesn't really matter anymore, because he is here, and he's not going anywhere, and miracle of miracles, he says that he loves me.

(HP)

Smiling

I smile at his stupid movie trivia, but inside I cringe. Chances are, when I'm not fully occupied, my eyes stray to his face. It's a handsome face, just a little bit boyish. I try to hide my smile as he picks on our teammate. Sometimes I get the colloquialisms wrong, just so that I can hear his voice correcting me. I would follow his voice even if it meant my death.

I just can't forget what he said in Africa. I knew that I could ask him anything then, and he would tell me the truth, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I couldn't bear it if he had said it was duty and not love.

We will carry on as we are. It's comfortable, easy, routine. But not what I want.

(NCIS)

Forever Seventeen

My father and my brother both agree, we can't be living because we can't die. I never saw it that way. It is true in a way what father says, we are like rocks, we just are, and I suppose we will always be this way. Not that my brother hasn't tried to kill himself on numerous occasions, all those wars that he fought in, trying to make it his last. It never worked. It never worked for him or for me; we just keep living as if there was no time at all.

I've seen everything this world has to offer, but there are still more things to be discovered. Not many things surprise me anymore. I've heard the music and I've read the books, BTW, I'm the original Edward Cullen. Forever seventeen, that's me. Personally I think I have it better than him. I don't have to drink blood, talk about gross, and I can go out in the sun whenever I want.

I guess the only time I ever tired of life, was when my love no longer there. I had always hoped that she would make that choice, the choice that would keep her here, frozen forever in youth. I had hoped that when I returned, that she would be waiting for me. But she wasn't. She lived her life, and then she died.

I can now understand my brothers forever grief over losing the one he loved; because now I feel it too.

(Tuck Everlasting)