Moving On

Steve cringed back from the thought of seeing his commander again after last night. He shook his head. I should have kept my mouth shut. I just can never seem to get that right. Where is that mental filter when you need one. I should have just backed off and let it be.

Steve knew there was no avoiding David even if he wanted to. He took a deep breath and stepped out of his room early the next morning. He knew that David would be alone in the kitchen.

When Steve poked his head around the corner he could see David, his back was towards him, he was looking out the window and his posture told that he was tired, or resigned, or perhaps both. Steve slunk around the door frame and edged towards the coffee pot that was sitting near where David stood.

"Morning Boss," Steve said quietly.

"Good morning," David replied, but didn't turn from the window.

Steve drew in a breath before speaking, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry Boss. I shouldn't have butted in, it was not my place to say anything at all," Steve said.

David finally turned from the window and looked at his second in command, Steve looked miserable, and David couldn't help a ghost of a smile from flitting across his face. "It's alright Steve," he said, "you were and still are right. I should move on." David fell silent, but Steve didn't say anything, wanting to let David say his piece.

"I guess," David continued after a moment in low and broken tones, "I didn't want to let her go. She was the best woman I have ever known. She was my first love, and then she was gone. I suppose it was easier to hold on to her than to try to let her go and move on. I was going to marry her Steve, but then, you never knew that, you never knew anything about me. I guess if I moved on, then I would feel as if I were betraying her, that I had failed her, like I did before. I know that her death was not my fault, but I have always felt responsible for her murder. I should have been there with her. And maybe that would not have changed anything, but at least I could have tried to do something."

Steve reached out and placed one hand on David's shoulder and squeezed, offering silent support.

David continued, "I nearly died the winter following her death. I would have lain down and given up but for one person who saw me at the edge and pulled me back." David paused for a long time before speaking again, "at this point I don't know if I can move on. My heart has been frozen in place for so long that maybe it had forgotten how to beat, been ice for so long that it has forgotten what it was like to be flesh."

David drained off the last of his coffee as Steve stood in silence. He was certain that he alone would ever know what David had just told him.

David turned to Steve after placing his cup in the sink, "how does one move on Steve?" he asked.